Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Write "Right?"

I had sort of an epiphany last night, right as I was falling asleep. I'm surprised I even remember it, because it was during that phase of sleepiness, that I like to describe as the "dusk." It's right before you fall asleep, your mind is looping with thoughts that don't make much sense, as your brain prepares for dreamy-dream land.

I was thinking, once again, about walking off my writing career path. I was comparing myself to other magazine writers I know, and don't know. And thought, "I could never write like that, I'm never going to make it."

Then I started thinking about my artist friends. The ones who work as animators and graphic design artists, and how they don't like their jobs much either. Most of them say, they're just day jobs they struggle with, in order to make enough money to create the real art that they want to, without "starving." Some are modern artists, some are realists, others... copycats.

I think the same can be said of writers. I may not write like some of the people I work with (thought I won't be here much longer) but I do have my own style. Just like any kind of art, each writer has their expression, their own way of doing things. So maybe I shouldn't give up just yet.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

In the Funk

Well, I've had a few days — and a few therapy sessions — to think about this unemployment thing. So far, the best way I can describe it is to use the cliched "emmotional roller coaster."

You'd think I was going through menopause with my mood swings. One minute, I'm all "Hellz Yeah! I finally get to leave this job!" The next minute I'm "Oh my god, I'll never be able to afford Happy Hour again; I'm going to have to work retail."

I've applied to what seems like a hundred jobs (actually it's probably more around 15) and I haven't heard so much as an e-mailed reply. My resume may not be up to par, but I can't look at it anymore. And every one that I show it to, wants to change it a different way. I've tried all their ways, and still... nothing.

Have any of you lost your jobs and decided it was time for a different route? I'd love to hear about your experience.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Block Wins

Well, it looks like my "writer's block" has gotten the best of me. I just received news this morning that I have four weeks to look for a new job. The worst part is... I've been looking for a new job for weeks, there's just nothing out there.

I was hoping once people knew where the presidency was heading, things would start to open up, that has not been the case. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can't pay my rent on unemployment. D.C.'s cost of living is awesome that way.

My boyfriend, is of course, supportive, actually telling me he was going to take me to dinner to celebrate. But me? I'm terrified. Sorry Grandma and Grandpa, looks like I won't be making it home for Christmas this year, I have to save the money. Honestly, couldn't they have waited until the New Year?

I never thought it would come to this. I think it's time to give up on writing as a career.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Saving Impossible

I'm trying. *Insert quip about "yes, you're very trying" here.*

But in all seriousness... I'm trying so hard to save money. I feel like I never can though. No, I don't go on shopping sprees. No I don't buy a latte everyday (once a week to get me through class, I'll shamefully admit though). Yes, I look for sales. Yes, I try to buy things used. Heck, I'm even looking for my winter coat at Goodwill, though I haven't found one yet.

When the end of the month comes around, do I have anything to show for it? No. I'm still dipping into my emergency fund to buy tickets to go see my Grandparents for the holidays. I'm still trying to figure out how I'll buy any Christmas gifts this year. I'm still saying 'sorry' that I can't go out to restaurants with my friends on Fridays.

Having a job, freelancing part-time, and all this penny pitching is all so tiring. It's also embarrassing. Will I ever not be worried about money?

Does any one have any good money saving tips?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Comfort Food and Dreary Days

I have a problem.

So for the past six or seven months, I've been doing really well. I used to be a bad eater. I skipped breakfast and drank two cups of coffee to get through my morning, I got cheesy, mayo-drenched sandwiches for lunch from local delis, and dinner usually consisted of quesadillas (a.k.a. slice of Kraft cheese, salsa from a jar and tortilla from a bag).

Then, in the middle of my life change, I asked my fitness nut boyfriend for some help. So in July I started eating healthier and seriously felt better. I drank tea instead of coffee. I ate oatmeal every morning. I skipped all the bad co-worker lunches and started bringing my own. Usually leftover protein and vegetables from the night before.

However, this was summer and fall. Now that winter is coming, it's becoming a challenge. It's cold, it's foggy, it's rainy, and soon it will be icy and snowy. Ugh! So now my cravings are back! I want coffee, I want hot chocolate, I want warm, filling cheesy goodness. I've been giving into the leftover Halloween bowl at the office. I've been getting Starbucks' before my Thursday classes. And I've been eating sandwiches... with cheese!

I haven't gained weight back yet, but I know it's coming. Anyone have any advice for the winter eating blues?

Where it all began...

First a little information about me, before I get right into my first post. About a year ago I became obsessed with becoming a new me. Not really so much, a new personality, I'm actually quite pleased with myself in that department, many of my friends would say the same.

However, I found myself in somewhat of a slump. So I did what all the self-help books tell you to do, one morning I woke up and made a list of goals. I wanted to learn more, I wanted to write more, I wanted to become more "girly" and in order to do that, I wanted to change the way I dressed and felt.

So far, so good. I've lost 35 pounds, I'm wearing make up more than on Saturdays (though, still not to work...) I've found freelance jobs and I found the greatest boyfriend any girl could ask for. Sounds great right?

Well, I'm still not entirely comfortable. I feel like something is missing. I'm still trying to figure out what that is. And until that happens, until I discover my true passions, my life-long goals, my purpose, I'm afraid it's my writing that suffers the most.